Sunday, May 15, 2011

A melt down day!

I am an open book... why I just don't keep things to myself? I don't know. It has been a good week/bad week. An emotional one too. Mr. Clark recieved news on Thursday that our pre-authorization at Kansas University Med to do his kidney/pancreas only included his kidney. Our insurance at KU med does not cover a pancreas. So we are back to square one. We have to make the decision now what to do. Mr. Clark wants to go for a pancreas along with the kidney because it will mean no more diabetes. This is his decision. So now we are deciding on different hospitals. Baylor Med is in Texas. Dallas or Houston? One of the best in the country. They have actually been the pioneer hospital in transplants.  Any way our insurance covers both there.
We feel almost defeated at the moment. I'm sure it will get better. We know things happen for a reason. And we are humble.
Yet, this week... Mr Clark has been swelling up. We've decided that its too much salt.  The swelling is new to us. On Friday, after fishing a few hours. He had to come home because his legs were too swolen to walk. We called the nurse. And did a manual cycle of dialysis. He was feeling better. He repeated fishing again on Saturday. Yes, he thought it was a one time thing to be swolen up. Nope. This time when he took off his socks, because of swelling... Apparently  blisters formed from stretching the skin so much  and caused his skin peel off with his socks. Mr. Clark didn't sleep worrying about it. Me, I just cried. After I composed myself, I called the on call nurse. It's normal :(
Today. A build up of concern this week has given me a MELT DOWN.... Cried all day. Of course, part of it has been that at church today it was amazingly spiritual along with concerning for personal reasons. My heart wants to break. And during Sunday School Mr. C had a low bloodsugar. Normally its not a big deal. I couldn't be brave today.  I'm thinking I just need a day of crying. So I'll take it! And tomorrow will be a better day.
I vented. Guess thats why I blog... Thanks my friends/family for supporting me~ XO


Meg said...

OH Sharon,
I'm sending you hugs...wish I could be of some help. I know this must be so hard for you, some times it is harder on the care giver!!! I am praying for health and strength for both of you.
ps- it is good to have a good cry, every day- if necessary!!!
Hang in there!!!
Love, MEG

Terrence and Laura said...

Relief is coming soon. We'll try our best anyway to offer at least some temporary happiness :)

DeWitt Family said...

You are amazing Sharon! You do so much and are such a wonderful example to me. It is okay to cry and you should and just remember that there is one person who understands you to the core. He went through it too and he loves you. Let him take some of the burden from you. With lots of hugs and kisses and prayers being sent your way.